silence

I know I haven't updated this in a while, but there's not much new to report. I'm still unable to go home because the house makes me so sick. My poor mom is working really hard to find the problem and get it fixed. We just keep praying God will let me go home soon!
I'm trying not to be overwhelmed with options and decisions right now. I need to find a doctor - out of several not perfect choices, need to start some sauna treatment, have to find the right kind of sauna, need to try some new supplements, decide if the old supplements are helping or harming, etc. It's a good thing I only have to live one day at a time. I don't think I could handle more than that. =)
In the meantime, I'm very thankful that I do have a place to stay. My friends in Orlando just left on a long trip, so I'm 'housesitting' and trying to get used to the silence once again.
When I lived in Mexico by myself, it was really hard to get used to my house being so quiet. I finally learned to enjoy it though. God was able to get my attention and speak to me about a lot of things. So I know the silence is good, it's just different. It's a lot easier to have your life full of people, sound, activities, etc. But I'm reminded of what Jesus said about Mary, who sat at His feet just listening, "May has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:42) I don't know if I'd ever choose the silence over the more self-gratifying activity and noise, but I'm glad God knows what I need and He chose it for me. =)

May you hear His voice speaking in the silence today.
"Blessed are all who take refuge in Him." (Ps. 2:12b)

I really enjoyed taking pictures when we were staying at the beach. God's creation is so amazing! Imagine how awesome the New heaven & earth will be. I can't wait to see them! =)

Devising ways...

Last time I posted, I was having difficulty doing anything on my computer. But fortunately for me, I have a friend who devises ways to fix things...so I now have an attached mouse and an attached keyboard for my laptop! As long as I keep the laptop a little bit away from me, I seem to do ok with this new system, praise God! I really would go crazy if I couldn't do email and have some 'social life' online. Pathetic, I know, but that's how life is for me right now. I'm just thankful for the good ways God uses technology. =)
I'm also thankful my Heavenly Father is good at devising ways...
"But God does not take away life; instead, He devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from Him." -2 Samuel 14:14b
Imagine if our communication and fellowship with God were suddenly cut off completely with no way to restore them! I don't know about you, but I wouldn't last very long after that. Thankfully, we don't have to worry about that every happening because God has devised a way for us to be made right wit Him, and He has provided ways for us to always be able to stay in touch with HIm. What a wonderful God!
That's all for now folks. Have a great night. =)

Chopsticks &r Trust

So here's the latest twist in my crazy life -- I'm getting allergic to my computer! Actually, it's a sensitivity to electricity, which a laptop puts out a lot of, unfortunately. At first it just made me tired, but then it started feeling like my fingers were birned, just from touching the keyboard.
I knew this was a possibility, as other patients I talked to had the same problem, in some cases severe. but I was really hoping God was going to keep me from this particular problem, since email is such a lifeline for me. It's just one more thing I ha ve to surrender to Him and trust that He knows what He's doing.
I am thankful that at least I've found some temporary aids. I got a mouse plugged in to my laptop so I don't have to touch the keypad, and I'm sitting jere typing with two pencils. (Let me tell you, it's not easy for this super-speedy typist!) I think maybe chopsticks would be more effective, but since I don't have any, I'm making do with the pencils. My life is never dull. (boring maybe, but not dull.) =)

Today God gave me a neat object lesson. I'm staying with friends while my mom works on making our house more allergy-safe for me. It's so hard not to be able to help her or ro have any control over what's happening there. I just have to trust that she has the strength & wisdom to do what needs to be done. It's the same with God. I can't see what He's doing, but I know He's doing what is best for me because He loves me. And some day I'll go to the Home He has prepared for me and I'll know He never wasted any time or pain I went through.

So here I sit, waiting, trusting, and wishing I had some chopsticks....

Precious Words

Well, I think I'm slowly recovering from my trip back from Dallas. I still don't have energy for doing much of anything, much as I wish I could. It's a daily battle to be content with all my limitations, knowing that God has put me in this place for a divine purpose and reason. I know that in my head, but it's hard to accept it at times when I'd rather be doing 100 other things than laying on the couch.
I love the following poem by Amy Carmicheal. It makes me cry every time I read it - partly because I can identify with it so exactly, and partly because of the tender love God showed her in giving her these precious words. I could never say it better, so here it is: (from "Rose from Brier")

"Thou hast not that, My child, but Thou hast Me,
And am not I alone enough for thee?
I know it all, know how thy heart was set
Upon this joy which is not given yet.

And well I know how through the wistful days
Thou walkest all the dear familiar ways,
As unregarded as a breath of air,
But there in love and longing, always there.

I know it all; but from thy brier shall blow
A rose for others. If it were not so
I would have told thee. Come, then, say to Me
My Lord, My Love, I am content with Thee."


My Lord, my Love, I am content with Thee.

rubix cube

At the moment my life feels like a rubix cube. All the colors are messed up, nothing is in line, etc. I work hard to turn the right corner and voila! one line of colors matches up! Then I turn the next corner and things are jumbled again. So I keep turning corners. Sometimes the colors line up, other times they seem more confused then ever. Some days I wonder, 'Why do I even bother? These colors will never be set straight.' But then God reminds me that the rubix cube is in His hands. I may think I'm the one turning things, but in reality He's the one who's in control. I can only trust that one day He will line up all the colors and everything will be made right.
As I've just illustrated, it seems like every day there's some new direction or change in my situation here. Last week I saw 2 new doctors, both of which had totally different ideas of what's wrong wtih me and what to do. After a misunderstanding over my bloodwork, one of the doctors dropped me. So now I'm down to one doctor again. He wants more bloodwork still. It seems every day I pray for wisdom about what to do with all these decisions. Tomorrow I'm supposed to get the bloodwork done, so tonight I have to decide which blood tests to do and which to leave out. I've also started the allergy skin testing for molds, which hopefully will be helpful once I get on the allergy shots. However, it will take at least 2 more weeks for me to complete the skin testing just for molds. So I have to make decisions about that too.
I've been talking with other patients here, which is also helpful, though at times confusing. The general consensus is that most of the doctors here have actually made people worse. There's only one doctor who so far I've heard good things about, but he's also the one who can see certain things around people (a little scary if you ask me). It's frustrating to see how many people have gone through so much and still not been helped. Most of them end up doing their own research and essentially treating themselves. I really don't want to earn my amateur doctor's degree through extensive study...but maybe that's something I should be doing.... Only God knows. I know He wants me to be willing to do whatever HE wants me to do. It's just a lot easier in theory than practice. =/ I have learned a lot since we've been here, but as far as what the outcome of all this will be, I'm still uncertain. I know my Father knows, and I trust His care even when it doesn't make sense.
Anyway, that's how things stand today, but you never know what will happen, 'As the rubix cube turns...." =)